CAT GOD

I think I am a GOD.

I am a domesticated cat that lives in my own castle with my human slave.

I have never been to The Great Outside Place because it is dangerous and therefore beneath me to go there. My human slave wages many battles Out There to keep me warm and dry and fed and happy, so that my precious paws may never have to know such strife.

I THINK I am a God.

I have heard that in The Natural Place, cats must groom themselves and can get tangles and mats. Here, my human clips around my butt so I never get any of that awful fecal clumping. I am brushed and groomed and my fur frequently stroked . I am thoroughly adored.

For all my human slave’s efforts, I make sure to reward her with all the best tangles of mucoid hair balls that I can muster and I leave them frequently on her personal head pillow in gratitude.

Could I Really Be a GOD?

In The Great Out There, I imagine I would have to come up with a plan to catch wild cans of cat food. Maybe find a cat partner with opposable thumbs to help me wrangle the can opener.

Here, in my Cat Castle, I only have to mew for food and my human slave will be there doling it out for me. True, sometimes I must yell or bat at a few sleepy slave eyeballs, but my human follower makes food appear.

I COULD BE A GOD!

Out There, I envision only wild couches and feral recliners, while in here I am treated to tame, comfortable furniture and nail scratching posts that I have to use when my human disciple is watching me.

My human acolyte has erected several small, domed temples in honor of my excrement and those monuments are thoroughly scrubbed and maintained daily with fresh scented litter products.

I AM A GOD! ! !

It is confirmed as I watch my human bow down and dutifully scrub my vomit out off the floor 

Scrubbing it with flower smelling foam

Rinsing

Bowing down

Scrubbing again with a monster like sucker machine.

In The Great Outdoors, if I were to puke,

 life would just go on…

Therefore,

I Know I am a God!

(***note…this was written in the wee hours of the morning, as I scrubbed cat puke and my three cats stared in wide eyed wonderment….I imagined THIS was what they were all thinking…..)